Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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