I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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