I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
