I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
