if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
