so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it because I queefed?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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