I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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