My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
