My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
