We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
