That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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