He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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