You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
