So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My pussy is not your playground.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
