Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
