wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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