North Korea, Best Korea!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
