apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
