dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
