you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
