the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
