Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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