We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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