I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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