I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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