It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
