At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
