He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
