Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
