If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
