We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
