Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
