As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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