I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
