i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
People in love make me want to vomit
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think people are normalizing furries
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
