I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize