She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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