I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
