I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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