why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
