I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
