You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize