she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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