this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
