Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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