she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
