So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
