I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
