So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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