U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
