Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
