you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
