yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
