This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
