sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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