did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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