I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
