You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
