My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
