i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
