I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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