Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
