Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize