That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
