C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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