Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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