Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
