oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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