I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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