im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
