i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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