So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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