just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you had me at cake vodka
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
