it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
