meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
