My balls are so social today.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
