Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
