Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
