he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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