She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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