i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
