we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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