would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"