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Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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