Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??