I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl