and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize