Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
