Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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