i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
