mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
