remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
