Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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