the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
